Lobster in a Bucket

The Ubiquitous Redneck

Often times in the south Rednecks are the continual cannon fodder for derision and snobery and even times pity. This is especially true among the service industry class in the south. I FEAR the redneck, armed with NASCAR hat, Dale Earnhardt memorial skoal can, family of four, and weekly paycheck. In Birmingham I could always expect four things with a fair degree of certainty from these folk.
1) A southern drawl combined with a vernacular that made conversation difficult at best.
2) A penchant for ordering nice steaks cooked burnt and lots of light beer, in a bottle mind you, incurring a high tab, and thereby assuring a tip somewhere in the neighborhood of6 6-8%.
3) The ability to consume an urn of sweet tea faster than you or I could drink a glass of water.
4) Rude children, bad manners (I once had a man eat his steak with meat in one hand and bottle of Heins 57 in the other), and general hositility to anyone without a Southern accent (me).

In case you didn't know, rednecks are everywhere. Even in our northern most contingous state. But don't worry this is not a post of bitter despondency. I'm really excited right now.

Last night I realized as I was waiting on some Mainean rednecks two things. First, there is no sweet tea in Maine. In order to sweeten your tea you have to go to considerable personal lengths to sweeten it with sugar packets. The redneck up here will not due that. In Maine rednecks don't guzzle anything.

Furthermore no rednecks in Maine have Southern accents. They do have extreme JFK accents. But this is okay, I can understand that fine and of course my Atlantic seaboard drawl is perfectly intelligible to them as well.

So with all the tallying done. Maine rednecks are half as tedious and Bamer rednecks. While I still won't make any money off of them, and they will still be rude. Things in general are looking a lot better in Maine. I love this state!