The Atlantic has a review of a book entitled Urban Tribes: A Generation Redefines Friendship, Family, and Commitment, in which the author describes young people's tendency to "delay marriage, often for a decade or more, in favor of extended sojourns in the company of a group of fiercely loyal friends located in the same big city." This is something I personally see in Chattanooga, and have definitely heard of elsewhere.
And you know what? It's really starting to bother me. I'm pretty sure it isn't a good sign that more and more people are getting married later and later. To me, it indicates, not an increased and healthy sense of community, but an actual breakdown of social solidarity. Think about it: a couple that gets married in their early thirties is unlikely to have children immediately. When (and if) they do actually have children, that only leaves time for one, two kids at the most. But averaging it out, it doesn't look to me as if that's enough to sustain a population. And that's bad. But it seems that we're so focused on our own happiness and success that these things don't really enter into our consciousness. Which is not to say that having children is the reason to get married. But the fact that historic discussions of community always included children makes me a bit anxious that ours rarely seem to do so. Even if we manage to attain the nirvana of healthy communities, if children aren't a huge part of this, then all we've done is create a chimera that will end as soon as we do.
This is, believe it or not, a fairly serious issue on a macro-social level as well. Declining population sizes can indicate some pretty significant economic and social ramifications. Firstly, it decreases the size of our educated classes by reducing the number of children we have. This in turn leads to fewer professionals, meaning fewer people who pay a lot of taxes. And since the top third of income-earners pay two-thirds or more of the taxes, this is a problem. Secondly, though population size will probably be overcome by things like immigration, the sense of being replaced by outsiders - which already is the case since the immigration population is growing far faster than the native one - can create feelings of defensiveness and protectiveness that can lead to some fairly unpleasant political and social policies. Yeah, diversity and all that, but when diversity starts to make people feel threatened, you just see how enlightened we are. Thirdly, any population that is in decline faces the possible eradication - or at least significant devaluation - of its culture and traditions. In the long scheme of things, this happens all the time. But right now it's happening to us, and that means that a lot of people are going to get defensive. And when the people in positions of influence get threatened, bad things happen.
Am I saying that we should all go out and get married as soon as possible to start cranking out kids? Of course not. Frankly, I'm pretty ambivalent about the idea of kids myself. But it still bothers me that our urge to get married and have children - a fairly basic and significant social enterprise - is so weak in comparison to previous generations. Something ain't right, and I don't know what it is.
Posted by ryan at September 23, 2003 09:12 AM | TrackBackIt's not Mesh' fault he hasn't found a chica yet. Give him time.
Posted by: JosiahQ at September 23, 2003 09:17 AMI was hoping for more than the usual sacrasm, but I suppose that was futile.
Posted by: ryan at September 23, 2003 09:25 AMYou know, I really think the RP's of the world will make up for the delay practiced by my generation.
Posted by: jeep at September 23, 2003 09:41 AMFor example:
Jeff and Kimberly Barr are pleased to announce the birth of their new baby boy, Zachary Ray. Zachery was born today (23 September 2003) at 7:09 a.m. weighing in at 7 lbs. 14 oz. and measuring 21 inches long. He has reddish blonde hair and blue eyes. Both Mom and baby are doing well and hope to be home on Thursday.
Posted by: Jeep at September 23, 2003 09:51 AMActually, it probably is my fault.
But to engage your thoughts in earnest: I think the trend you're describing is at least in part a result of the economic prosperity our generation has enjoyed. There's a lot of talk about how this will be the first generation not to exceed its parents in material success. But here's the secret: I don't think most of us care about that statistic. We've experienced economic prosperity, enjoyed it, but we want something different and (at least in our minds) better. We want relationships that aren't settling. I think many in my group of ChattaCynics are deathly afraid of ending up in a comfortable but stale married lifestyle. And we're surrounded by media images of "true love," of people who find perfect connection between their minds and genitals. So we delay, we keep our options open in a Rob Gordon sort of way, because to make a choice means jumping onto the short path to boredom and death.
It's a privledge of having cash that we can be cynical and distanced from the institutions that have historically held our society together.
I'm sure there are more profound things to say about this, but I'm afraid to commit to saying them.
Posted by: mesh at September 23, 2003 10:31 AMI think it is all the fault of 'Friends.'
Ok, now I'm gonna get serious. People of my generation long for authentic and solid relationships, as opposed to what many of us have seen modeled by our parents or others--inauthentic and undependable. (Yeah, I know that there are tons of people, especially in the Covenant/PCA community, that come from whole and great families. Actually, it is very encouraging to know that that sort of family exists.) We find what we're looking for in caring friendships and avoid marriage because it doesn't look like a paradisical state of being, it looks like impending doom.
Ok, maybe I am extrapolating societal principles from my experience and being the stupidest amateur sociologist ever, but add the above stuff to Mesh's comments and let's see what happens.
Posted by: Jeep at September 23, 2003 11:47 AMMy simple answer:
There is no longer the sense of community because we have all become selfish. We want it all now, we want it done our way, and we all want to just do it. We as a culture have forgotten what our forefathers lived: you are part of a team, and that team is the Church of Christ, your family, your state, your community, your country, and any other group that makes up more than one person. We have become a culture that lives to violate the 1st Commandment. We worship ourselves.